Once upon a time in a far off land there lived an old man , a very wise old man , a supremely intelligent old man-HEY the guy was smart okay . The old man was known far and wide as THE ANCIENT ONE .
One summers day while doing terrible things to his dog with a fork , a beautiful maiden appeared . She was known near and narrow as The Girl . The Girl could see wisdom in the eyes of The Old Man as well as other body parts . Such as a smart ass ... She looked into his eyes and said ' I dont think the dog likes that ". The Old Man dumbfounded by The Girls uncanny ability to notice the blatantly obvious replied " You should see what i do with a spoon " . Unable to hold her unbridled passion and ample bosom any longer , The Girl smothered The Old Man with kisses . The paramedics soon arrived and were able to revive The Old Man . A court case ensued and The Girl was sentenced to five years .
AHHHHHHH , but thats not the end of the story . Upon her release from The Tongue and Groove Prison for the Critically Urbane she once again sought out The Old Man . This time there was no smothering , just a cheap feel and a blank stare accompanied by an accapella version of Hit me with Your Rhythym Stick . They were soon married . Not to each other of course . The Old Man married a Blind Stripper from Seattle called The Blind Stripper from Seattle and The Girl married her cousin from her fathers side who just happened to be her uncle from her mothers side.
AHHHHHHHHHHHH , but thats not the end of the story . After years of living in loveless marriages The Old Man and The Girl amicably killed their disrespective spouses . Finally they were together. They were married in a civil ceremony with the exception of an argument between one of the bridesmaids and her one legged lesbian lover . Never trust an appendage challenged lesbian .
The Old Man and The girl lived happily ever after . The dog however died from a rusty fork infection .